Listening To Your Body
I have noticed this past week that I have been really caught up in something that I will call my “supposed to look like” thinking. Now I know you are wondering what I am talking about, so let me explain.
I first noticed it when I was attending my yoga class last week. The instructor was ‘instructing’ us on this particular pose (to tell you the honest truth, I can’t even remember which one it was), and telling us that if we needed assistance in getting in to this pose or maintaining this pose, then it was alright to use something to help us–either the yoga blocks and/or the wall. I then remember thinking that I didn’t really need assistance because I knew exactly what it was ‘supposed to look like’. What MY yoga pose was supposed to look like was, exactly what my instructor’s yoga pose looked like. (Now keep in mind, even though I have done yoga off and on for several years, I am still a beginner. The instructor has been doing yoga for years and years.)
My ‘supposed to look like’ attitude was making it very difficult for me to listen to my body. During this time, my body was screaming, “Excuse me, Kathy, but unfortunately I don’t move quite like that. I mean, come on now, you have only been doing yoga for a short time and not only do you want me to bend this way, but then you want me to stay that way too?” All the while, my mind is going “Alright, slacker, get with the program. Of course, you can do this pose, and absolutely without any assistance. We can’t let anybody see that you are horribly out of shape. Don’t be a wimp!” Don’t get me wrong, I am all for pushing yourself to a certain extent, but not to the point of no return. Needless to say, the whole situation wasn’t pretty and rather comical.
So I had in my mind what my yoga practice is ‘supposed to look like’, but my body has a different idea of what it really wants and needs. Yes, it does need to be exercised and pushed a little bit, but not to the point of where I could potentially hurt myself.
As my week progressed, I continued seeing all sorts of places where my ‘supposed to look like’ attitude reared its ugly head. Hmmm, let’s see my beginning tae kwon do practice is supposed to look just like the instructor’s practice; regardless of what my body wants. Maybe if I stay with it long enough, I might be able to do some of the things that the instructor can. My meditation practice is also supposed to be this grand experience where I quickly go to that quiet place and sit still for long periods of time and receive all sorts of insights to myself. Well, the reality is that my mind doesn’t always quiet like I want it to and after sitting for a few minutes, my back starts to hurt unless I have my back up against a wall. Most of the time, I end up laying down for my meditation and also listening to a guided meditation, instead of what I think it is ‘supposed to look like’. My body wants me to listen to its wants and needs also, so I have been trying to do that.
I have been receiving massage/bodywork for many years now and I thought that at least when I was on the massage table, I honored my body’s wants and needs; however, I realized that there are a lot of times that I do not. For instance, this past week when I got on the massage table, I started face up. As I was lying there, I realized that what my body really wanted was for me to lie on my side and curl up into the fetal position. Now I have had the same person working on me for years, but all of a sudden I was worried about what she would think. (Please understand that I have started out in the fetal position many, many times before, so this was nothing new for me or for her). I began to wonder why all of a sudden I was worried about what she would think. That is when I realized I was in my ‘supposed to look like’ attitude. What is my massage supposed to look like? Well, I am either supposed to be face up or face down and supposed to be comfortable. I am supposed to relax, I am not supposed to tell her that “&^%$, that hurts”. I am not supposed to tell her that I am cold; I am not supposed to move much, etc. You get the picture. Unfortunately, the majority of the time if I am getting a ‘supposed to look like’ massage, I am not honoring my body and listening to its wants and needs.
So what does my massage look like when I am listening to my body’s wants and needs? I move around a lot. Sometimes I am face up, sometimes I am in a fetal position, sometimes face down, sometimes I am just laying on my side, sometimes I have my arms above my head, sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I cry, sometimes I swear because it hurts. My session could be all of these things, some of these things, a variety of different things or none of them at all. In listening to my body’s wants and needs, there are NO rules for me on the table. This week maybe I moved around a lot; next week, who knows, maybe I won’t need that.
What does my massage feel like if I am moving all over the place? Well, if I am listening to my body then most likely my massage will feel more complete and more nurturing. When it comes to listening to my body, there is no right way and there is no wrong way.
MY CHALLENGE TO YOU: Pay attention to your thinking and if you are doing something a certain way because you think that is what it is ‘supposed to look like’. That also includes the next time you have a massage. Pay attention to what you body needs and wants. If you feel comfortable, give your body what it needs. If you need to move around, please feel free to do so. If you want to start in a different position, do that also. If you get cold, please let me know. You can’t relax if you are cold. Remember, there is no right way or wrong way.
Here are some of the most asked questions:
1. Can I really massage someone who is in the fetal position? The answer to that is most definitely “yes”. The most important point here is to make sure that you are comfortable.
2. What about the draping? Well, the draping follows you wherever you go. Your privacy and modesty are of utmost importance to me. Except for the area that I am working, you will always be covered by the sheet.
3. Do I really cry? Absolutely! Almost every time that I am on the table. I know you have heard me say that your body remembers everything even when you don’t. As human beings, we have no problem sharing our ‘good’ emotions whether it be excitement, happiness, love, etc., however, we do not quite as readily share our other emotions with other people. Sadness, anger, fear are just a few. Because we have a hard time sharing, what we call “negative” emotions they can remain stuck in our bodies.
4. Do I really move around a lot? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t need to. It just depends on the day and what my body wants.
The most important point that I was trying to make with the last newsletter is that it is YOUR massage, YOUR time and YOUR money. I want you to be as comfortable as possible. There are no rights nor wrongs when it comes to massage. I cannot read your mind, even as much as I would like to say that I can. If you are uncomfortable in the position that you are in, please feel free to move around; if you are hot or cold, please let me know so that I can adjust the temperature accordingly. If the pressure is not enough or is too much, I would rather that you tell me so that I can also adjust that. Communication is vital in order for you to reap the full benefits of your massage. If it has been a rough day/week/month for you and the tears just want to flow, then by all means, please do that also. As always, confidentiality is a top priority!