Opening My Heart
I have this heart shaped locket that I wear 98% of the time. I have had this locket for a long time. I don’t think I wore this locket much in the beginning because I deemed it something special and didn’t want to break it or lose it. I began to wear it more frequently when I became a massage therapist. I decided that if I only wore it when there was something special going on, then I probably wouldn’t wear it much.
After working several months and continuously forgetting to put my wedding ring back on my hand (and consequently panicking because I wasn’t certain that I had left it at work), I decided to put my wedding ring on the same chain that this locket was on. Since that time, I have worn it almost every day. The heart fits perfectly inside the circumference of the ring. This way, I don’t have to worry about forgetting my wedding ring because it is securely on my chain and encircling my locket.
Over the years, I have played with this locket–opening and closing it multiple times during the day. I would find myself doing this frequently and with no thought as to what might happen if I continued to do so.
A few months ago, I noticed that the locket was open. So I closed it and then put the chain around my neck and went about my day. When I went to ‘play’ with it as I have done so many times before, I noticed again that it was open. I closed it again and moved along. Well, as you might guess, when I put the necklace back on the next day, the locket was open. Because it is open more now than it is closed, I have been telling myself that I needed to take it to a jeweler because it is broken. Or is it?
I know you are probably wondering what that locket has to do with anything. Well, it occurred to me today–that heart locket is a metaphor for my very own heart–the very heart that pumps blood throughout my body; the heart that feels heavy when I am sad and light when I am happy.
Over the years, I have opened and closed my heart, but I have to admit that the majority of the time, it has been closed. It has only been recently that I have made an effort to at least try to open my heart. By keeping my heart closed then supposedly I wouldn’t get hurt as much, things wouldn’t bother me, etc. Well, the problem with that is I didn’t feel much of anything at all (or at least I pretended that I didn’t anyway). And by keeping my heart closed all the time, then nobody, including myself, could see the beauty that was inside. My heart wasn’t encircled with love, as was my heart locket with my wedding ring, but it was encased in fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being laughed at, fear of not being liked.
I have been working toward opening my heart more, being with my emotions and feeling all that I can feel. It isn’t an easy task. However, I am getting better at least recognizing when my heart isn’t open. When my heart is open, I feel extremely vulnerable and with the vulnerability then comes the fear. Again, I fear that I am going to get hurt or someone might laugh at me or make fun of me or worse, not like me at all. Funny thing is–those exact same things happen when my heart is closed or shut down–I just don’t notice it as much or I put on my mask of ‘it doesn’t matter what you say or do, it doesn’t bother me at all’. Which really is an outright lie. When my heart is closed, those things still affect me, I just pretend that they don’t.
Yes, when my heart is open, the potential to get hurt goes up exponentially but the opposite is also true. When my heart is open the potential to love, to receive love and to live fully feeling and expressing who I am also goes up exponentially. It is a beautiful experience–there is beauty inside my heart just waiting to be shared with others.
I will admit that I still spend a lot of time with my heart closed. I can and do open it and close it several times a day. It usually depends on the situation. In my work, I endeavor to keep my heart open as much as possible, to remain open to facilitate the person that is on my table with whatever they may need–physically and emotionally.
You might be wondering what this has to do with massage or the benefits of massage and I will just tell you–absolutely nothing. I am writing this from my open heart and expressing something that I need to express; however, I will tell you that my open heart is waiting for you–to support you, to facilitate you and your healing in any way possible. ‘Supporting You and Your Body’s Own Wisdom To Heal’ is not only my tag line, but it is who I am. Your body has the capacity to do tremendous things and healing itself is one of them. I am there to facilitate you and your body with whatever healing needs to take place–physically or emotionally.
As for my heart locket, I am going to keep it just the way it is–it isn’t broken, it is just letting the world see the beauty within it; and it will be a beautiful reminder for me every day to do the same–keep my heart open and let others see the beauty inside. I am also choosing to encircle my heart with love instead of encasing it in fear.
How about you? Are you willing to try to open your heart to all experiences, emotions and feelings? It is a scary thought, isn’t it? I believe that yes, it is scary, but the benefits would be tremendous.
YOUR PARTNER IN AWARENESS AND HEALING,
Kathy