The Healing Power of Touch
“Reach out and touch someone!” AT & T first aired that commercial back in 1979. I vividly remember those commercials as they usually brought tears to my eyes because it was focused on connecting people; all be it, through long distance phone calls, but it still showed us that connecting with family members or friends was important. Since that commercial aired, however, our world has changed dramatically.
We can reach out and touch someone; anyone actually, throughout the world via email, phone, chat rooms, instant messaging, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. The list goes on and on. We could live our lives through a virtual world and actually go days without seeing one single person in real life, if we wanted to! We are connected through our ever expanding technology more and more. Technology is great; however, it leaves out one very important aspect that is crucial to our survival-physical touch.
Of all of the senses, touch is the very first one to develop. As babies, it was through touch that we made sense of the world. Study after study has shown that touch is important to a baby’s development but it is also crucial to its survival.
Touch is not only a biological need but touch is also a communication tool at a very basic level. Not only can touch communicate more love in 5 seconds than words can in 5 minutes, it can also communicate more hate and anger. However, for the purpose of this newsletter, I want to focus on the incredible healing power of touch; on loving touch; on safe touch.
Infants deprived of touch, even when they are getting adequate nutrition, will fail to grow properly. As children grow, their need for touch just doesn’t disappear; it remains constant and strong. Touch deprivation in adolescence usually leads to early and inappropriate sexual activity. Even senior citizens that have become isolated by a loss of their partner and/or friends become depressed not only because of their loss of social interaction, but because of the loss of loving touch from another.
Why do we as human beings crave the touch of another? Whether in giving or receiving, touch is as essential to human survival as is food. No other form of connection can be as powerful and universal as touch. Dr. Tiffany Field, head of the Touch Research Institute, says with confidence, “Everybody needs a steady dose of touch, just as much as diet and exercise”.[i]
Unfortunately, we live in a society that doesn’t encourage touch. Touch has been degraded and labeled as ‘bad’ because, unfortunately, there are people in this world that will always try to take advantage of another.
As adults, the need for touch doesn’t magically disappear and appear again when we are senior citizens. That need remains strong and it is usually misinterpreted. Our need for touch is often passed over or we think that it is related to stress.
Safe, loving, nurturing, non-sexual touch is often in short supply, but high in demand (even though we may not know it). The only appropriate situations for non-sexual touch is in greeting another person, sports, healthcare and professional touch (hairdressers, cosmeticians, estheticians and massage therapists).
What do we do when we need to be comforted or touched? We often misinterpret this need as sexual desire, hunger and frustration. We might seek out sexual situations only because sex requires touch. We may also turn to food to help satisfy the need for touch. If we can’t have someone soothe our outer body, then food will certainly soothe our inner body.
We try to satisfy our need for touch in all sorts of ways. Some ways are more successful than others. Because we operate on auto pilot, we don’t notice the times when we are being touched and getting our need for touch fulfilled. We only know that it made us feel better.
Ways to help with touch deprivation are:
- Ask your partner, or someone who you know and trust, for a hug; or if you are feeling particularly out of sorts, ask them to hold you. No strings attached.
- Get a haircut. Feel the sensations as they wash your hair and massage your head.
- Get a manicure or a pedicure. Again pay attention to the sensations as they massage your feet or hands.
- Get a massage. This is my personal favorite. Where else can you receive safe, healing, nurturing, non-sexual touch in an environment that is quiet and calming. Pay attention to the sensations as all the tension and stress seems to melt away from your body.
Touching is an absolutely beautiful, heart-opening and connecting act. The truth is–touch heals and touch is love. Touch is the way that a parent can express their love to a child; touch can bring comfort to someone who is grieving. Loving touch can soothe your soul. Hugging someone who is having a bad day can have more impact than soothing words.
Touch can be soothing, caring, healing, comforting and reassuring. So, go ahead–reach out and touch someone. Give someone a hug, a pat on the back, hold a hand or caress their face. In that moment when you are touching and giving to someone else, you will also feel touched and connected and you will feel just as good as they do. However, if you are the one in need of touch, don’t be shy, ask someone you know and trust to give you a hug or hold your hand. Or take the time out of your busy schedule and get a massage.
“Without touch, a baby dies, the human heart aches and the soul withers.”[ii]